爆笑英語笑話故事（通用24則）

　　會講笑話的人都是有好人緣的人，所以我們要多親近一些笑話大王們。現(xiàn)在小編也來當(dāng)笑話大王啦!小編給大家收集整理了爆笑英語笑話故事大全，一起來笑笑，收集好人緣吧!

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 1

　　One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

　　However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

　　The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoos most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

　　The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that its a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

　　However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

　　Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lions cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

　　At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

　　Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.

　　Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick andpounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 2

　　A man runs into the vets office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

　　The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dogs body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dogs body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "Im sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

　　The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

　　The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "Im sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

　　The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

　　"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man...

　　"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 3

　　Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

　　"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and Ive just buried him."

　　The neighbor was very concerned. "Thats an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isnt it?"

　　Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "Thats because hes inside your fricking cat."

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 4

　　An ant was drinking at a river. Suddenly he slipped, and fell into the water.

　　A dove took pity on him. She threw a small branch into the river. The ant seized the bough, and swam back to the shore.

　　A few days later, the ant saw a hunter aiming a gun at the dove. He bit the man in the foot sharply.

　　The man missed the shot, and the doves life was saved.

　　The dove felt very grateful. She made good friends with the ant.

　　譯文：

　　一只螞蟻到了河邊飲水，卻不幸掉入河之中。

　　一只鴿子看見，扔下一段樹枝，把他救起。

　　過了不久，螞蟻看見獵人正在拿槍瞄準(zhǔn)鴿子，就狠狠地朝他腳上咬了一口，沒讓他打中。

　　鴿子非常感激螞蟻。從此，他們成了好朋友。

　　寓意：有些朋友也許平時看似微不足道，但卻有可能在我們身處困境的時候提供巨大的幫助。

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 5

　　A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.

　　"Dead!" he exclaimed. "I wasnt dead. And I knew I wasnt, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."

　　"But how did that make you sure?"

　　"Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldnt be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet wouldnt be cold."

　　一個年輕人昏死了過去，但是當(dāng)他的朋友們要掩埋他的時候卻又蘇醒過來。他的一個朋友問他死的感覺是怎樣的。

　　“死!”他喊道“我并沒有死，我知道我沒死，因為我的腳是涼的，而我又很餓。”

　　“你怎么能肯定你沒死?”

　　“當(dāng)然哪，我知道如果我上了天堂，我就不會覺得餓;如果我下到地獄，那我的'腳就不會是涼的了�！�

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 6

　　Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " theres only ONE policeman!"

　　【中文譯文】

　　醉酒

　　一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 7

　　There is a naughty boy in a village. He likes telling lies. One day he wants to make fun of the farmers. So he shouts, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field. They hear the shout, and hurry to help the boy. But when get there, the boy says: “There isn’t a wolf. I’m joking. The farers are angry and go back to their field. After a while the biy shouts again, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come and are cheated again. The boy laughs and laughs. They say, “You tell lies. We will not believe you.”

　　Later a wolf really comes. The boy is very scared. “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts and shouts. “Help! Help!” But no one comes. And wolf eats the naughty boy.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 8

　　One morning a fox sees a cock.He think,"This is my breakfast.

　　He comes up to the cock and says,"I know you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?The cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins to sing.

　　he fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away. The people in the field see the fox.

　　They cry,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.The cock says to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.

　　The fox opens his mouth ang says,"The cock is mine,not yours.Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 9

　　buying a hat

　　a lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. as she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "an excellent choice, madam. you look at least

　　ten years younger with this hat on!" to his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "i dont want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as i take it off. show me some more hats!"

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 10

　　An old woman had a cat。 The cat was very old； she could not run quickly， and she could not bite， because she was so old。 One day the old cat saw a mouse； she jumped and caught the mouse。 But she could not bite it； so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away， because the cat could not bite it。

　　Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse。 She began to hit the cat。 The cat said， "Do not hit your old servant。 I have worked for you for many years， and I would work for you still， but I am too old。 Do not be unkind to the old， but remember what good work the old did when they were young。"

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 11

　　A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學(xué)校的.同學(xué)。

　　Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they havea crush on someone else in the class, when they’re eightor ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is itexpensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son,it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does itcost?” And the father said, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying.”八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX�！箖鹤佑謫枺骸敢�花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢啊！」

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 12

　　In the Song Dynasty (宋朝) there was a joker called Sun Shan (孫山).

　　宋朝有一個很幽默的人，他叫孫山。

　　One year he went to take the imperial examination, and came bottom of the list of successfulcandidates.

　　有一年他去參加考試，公布名單時他是最后一名。

　　Back in his hometown, one of his neighbor asked him whether the neighbors son had also passed.

　　回到家，他的鄰居向他打聽自己的兒子考得怎么樣。

　　Sun Shan said, with a smile:"Sun Shan was the last on the list. Your son came after Sun Shan."

　　孫山笑著對鄰居說：“孫山考了最后一名，你兒子的.名字還在孫山的后面呢�！�

　　The people used this idiom to indicate failing in an examination or competition.

　　人們用“名落孫山”來比喻考試沒有考上或者選拔沒有被錄取。

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 13

　　The Blacksmith And Dog

　　Those who will not work deserve to starve.

　　A Blacksmith had a little Dog, which used to sleep when his master was at work, but was very wide awake indeed when it was time for meals. One day his master pretended to be disgusted at this, and then he had thrown him a bone as usual, he said, “What on earth is the good of a lazy cur like you?” When I am hammering away at my anvil, you just curl up and go to sleep: but no sooner do I stop for a mouthful of food than you wake up and wag your tail to be fed.

　　鐵匠與小狗

　　不賣力工作的人理應(yīng)挨餓。

　　鐵匠家有一條小狗，小狗常常在主人打鐵時睡覺，但是一到了吃飯時間，便異常清醒起來。有一天，鐵匠假裝對此很生氣，一邊像往常一樣扔給小狗一塊骨頭，一邊說：“地球上還有像你一樣懶惰的壞蛋嗎?”你這家伙，總是在我賣力工作時，蜷縮起來睡覺，可是，只要我一停下來吃點東西，你就清醒地?fù)u著尾巴過來討飯吃�！�

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 14

　　Mike is my little brother. He is a naughty boy.

　　麥克是我的'小弟弟，他是個調(diào)皮的孩子。

　　On Sunday morning Mike went into the yard and played with a dog. Sometimes a birdwould come down to stay on the top of the dogs house. Then Mike threw a stone at it. Suddenly the little boy began crying. Mother ran to Mike and asked him what was wrong. He said, “Ive broken sisters plate. She has beaten me.” “Why?” “I threw it at a bird, and it went straight to the plate.”

　　星期天的早上，麥克跑到院子里跟小狗玩。恰巧，一直小鳥落在狗舍上，麥克就用石頭砸它。突然，這個小男孩哭了起來。媽媽跑過去問出了什么事。他哭著說：“我姐姐盤子摔碎了，她打了我！”“為什么？”“我拿石頭砸一直小鳥，但是卻打碎了姐姐的盤子�！�

　　Such was my naught brother.

　　哎，這是我淘氣的弟弟。

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 15

　　It’s very hot.. An old man is asleep on the chair.

　　A fly comes and sits on the end of the man’s nose.

　　The old man has a naughty monkey.

　　He chases the fly. The fly comes back again and sits on the old man’s nose again.

　　The monkey chases it away again and again. This happens five or six times. The monkey is very angry.

　　He jumps up, runs to the garden and picks up a large stone.

　　When the fly sits on the old man’s nose again, the monkey hits it hard with the stone. He kills the fly and breaks the old man’s nose.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 16

　　A Farmer being on the point of death,wished to insure from his sons the same attention to hisfarm as he had himself given it.

　　一個農(nóng)夫在臨終時，希望他的兒子們和自己一樣勤耕他的'田地。

　　He called them to his bedside, and said, "My sons, there is a great treasure hidden in one of myvineyards."

　　他叫他們來到床前說：“孩子們，在我葡萄園里的某個地方，藏著一大筆的財物�！�

　　The sons after his death took their spades and mattocks, and carefully dug over every portionof their land.

　　他的兒子們在他死后，都拿了鐵鍬和鋤頭，小心地在田地的各處翻掘著。

　　They found no treasure, but the vines repaid their labour by an extraordinary and superabundant crop.

　　但他們找不到任何財物，然而葡萄卻因此生長得很茂盛，成為他們勞動的報酬。

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 17

　　Ants were once men and made their living by tilling the soil. But, not content with the results of their own work, they were always eating longing eyes upon the crops and fruits of their neighbours, which they stole, whenever they got the chance, and added to their own store. At last their

　　covetousness made Jupiter so angry that he changed them into ants. But, though their forms were changed, their nature remained the same: and so, to this day, they go about among the cornfields and gather the fruits of others labour, and store them up for their own use.

　　You may punish a thief, but his bent remains.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 18

　　One morning a fox sees a cock.He think,"This is my breakfast.

　　He comes up to the cock and says,"I know you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?The cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins to sing.The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.

　　The people in the field see the fox.They cry,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.The cock says to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.

　　The fox opens his mouth ang says,"The cock is mine,not yours.Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 19

　　A fox and a goat

　　An unlucky fox fell into a well, It was quite deep, so he could not get out by himself.

　　A goat came. He asked the fox:”what are you doing? The fox said : "There will be no water, so I jumped down to get some water. Why don’t you jump down, too?"

　　The goat jumped into the well.

　　But the fox jumped on the goat’s back and out of the well. "Good-bye, friend," said the fox. "Remember next time don’t trust the advice of a man in difficulties."

　　Thank you!

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 20

　　The Raven and the Swan

　　A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swans splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.

　　Change of habit cannot alter Nature.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 21

　　To Lower the Banners and Silence the Drums

　　In the Three Kingdoms Period, during a battle between Cao Cao and Liu Bei, the latter ordered his generals Zhao Yun and Huang Zhong to capture Cao Cao’s supplies. Cao Cao led a large force against Zhao Yun, who retreated as fas as the gates of his camp. There, he ordered that the banners be lowered and the war drums silenced, and that the camp gates be left wide open. Zhao Yun then stationed his troops in ambush nearly. When Cao Cao arrived and saw the situation, he immediately suspected a trap and withdrew his forces.

　　This idiom is nowadays used to indicate metaphorically halting an attack or ceasing all activities.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 22

　　There is a frog. He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well. He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.

　　One day a crow comes to the well. He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let’s have a talk.”

　　Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?”

　　“I fly from the sky,” the crow says.

　　The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well. How do you fly from the sky?”

　　The crow says, “The sky is very big. You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

　　The frog says, “I don’t believe.”

　　But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

　　So the frog comes out from the well. He is very surprised. How big the world is!

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 23

　　There are monkeys sitting on a tree, he saw a fisherman casting a net in the river, they carefully watch their movements. While, fishermen put away the nets, went to eat. Monkeys will quickly climb down from the tree, you want to imitate fisherman fishing. But he picked up the network, anti-trap themselves, and almost drowned. Monkey said to himself: "I learned I did not really deserve nets also catch any fish too!?"

　　This story illustrates, do not imitate unthinkingly not suitable for their own behavior.

　　爆笑英語笑話故事 24

　　Story29 A Boy and a Monkey

　　Mike is a little boy. He is only five years old. He is too small to go to school. So he can not read and write.

　　One day he stood at my desk with a pencil in his hand. There was a big piece of paper on the desk. He wanted to draw a picture of himself. He drew lines and cleared them out, then drew more and cleared them out again. When I looked at the picture, he wasn’t happy. “Well,” he said at last to me, “I’ll put a tail on it and make it a monkey.”

　　He began to add the tail. I began to laugh.

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