爆笑精彩英語笑話（通用10篇）

　　笑話是一種簡單的藝術(shù)語言，能讓我們變得快樂，今天我們就一起來看看爆笑精彩英語笑話吧!

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 1

　　There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.

　　曾經(jīng)有只蝸牛，它對自己動作慢的名聲感到了厭惡和疲倦。

　　Hedecided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

　　他決心去弄些跑得飛快的輪子來改變這種境況。

　　After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get.

　　逛了一圈之后，它決定買Datson 240-Z。

　　So the snail goes to the nearest Datsundealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

　　去了最近的Datsun經(jīng)銷店，去買Datson 240-Z，但是它想把這輛車重新刷漆，改稱240-S。

　　The dealer asks, "Why S?"

　　經(jīng)銷商問：“為什么是S呢?”

　　The snail replies, "S stands for snail.

　　蝸牛回答說：“‘s’代表蝸牛。

　　I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know whos driving."

　　我想讓每一個看見我呼嘯而過的人知道是誰在開車�！�

　　Well, the dealer doesnt want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail,

　　經(jīng)銷商不想失去把汽車賣給蝸牛這樣一個機會，

　　so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

　　所以他同意收取些許費用，把車重新涂漆。

　　The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.

　　蝸牛開著它的'新車，把自己的余生都用在了快樂地高速行使在告訴公路上。

　　And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, theyd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

　　而不論何時任何人看見它飛馳而過的時候，都會說：“哦!看那S-car �！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 2

　　one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "whats the meaning of the word drunk, dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了�！�

　　"but, dad," the boy said, " theres only one policeman!"

　　“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 3

　　who was the first man? 誰是世界上第一個男人

　　a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”

　　一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”

　　“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.

　　一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　老師帶著寵溺的`笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢�！�

　　“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰(zhàn)爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人�！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 4

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "Im not dead. Im still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對醫(yī)生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

　　醫(yī)生說：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了。”

　　聽到醫(yī)生的.話，這個男人轉(zhuǎn)動著頭說：“我沒死，我還活著。”

　　妻子說：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多�！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 5

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一個被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。

　　A:If I lose this case, Ill be ruined.

　　如果我輸了這場官司，我就完了。

　　B:Its in the judges hand now.

　　這事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會不會起點作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldnt even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不會的!這位法官很固執(zhí)，非常注意職業(yè)道德。這種花招只會讓他對你產(chǎn)生偏見，他甚至會認為你蔑視法庭。事實上，你甚至都不用對他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一個有利于被告的判決，當被告離開法院時。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　謝謝你關(guān)于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。

　　B:Im sure we wodd have lost the caae if youd sent them.

　　如果你送了的.話，我肯定會輸?shù)暨@場官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的確送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.Thats how we won the case.

　　對，這就是我們會贏這場官司的原因。

　　B:I dont understand.

　　我不明白。

　　A:Its easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiffs business card.

　　這很簡單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 6

　　不必再看眼科醫(yī)生了

　　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

　　我己經(jīng)很多年沒做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個號。她越是督我，我越是耽擱不去。最后，她替我掛了個號。

　　The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　　在我去見醫(yī)生的前一天，我的情緒特別好。我對妻于又是親又是抱，還說她是我眼里最漂亮的'女人.

　　"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."

　　她說:“這回眼睛沒問題了，那我現(xiàn)在就去把號退了�！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 7

　　The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們在天主教學校的`自助食堂中排隊打午飯。

　　At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

　　在桌子的前端有一大堆蘋果。修女寫了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋果盤上：“只能拿一個，上帝在看著�！�

　　Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

　　繼續(xù)排著隊向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。

　　A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."

　　一個孩子寫了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著蘋果�！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 8

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.

　　大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。

　　The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

　　教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。

　　Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

　　隨后他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”

　　I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "Hes taking attendance."

　　為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的.作著記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢�！�

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 9

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, Whats the time, please?

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, Im not going to answer all those stupid people any more. Im going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here. Then he did so.

　　Now people arent going to stop and ask me the time, he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, Is that clock right?

　　丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當守門人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的.門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:請問現(xiàn)在幾點?

　　幾個月后，丹想：我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上。于是他買了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。

　　現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了。他高興地想�？墒谴蚰且院�，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然后問丹：這鐘準嗎?

　　爆笑精彩英語笑話 10

　　A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Dont you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.

　　一位公路巡警截住了一個超速司機�！半y道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎？”他責問道。

　　"Yes, sir," replied the driver.

　　“知道，長官，”司機回答說。

　　"Then why didnt you pull over immediately?"

　　“那你為什么不立即靠邊停車？”

　　"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.

　　“我本來想這樣做的，長官�！蹦悄凶踊卮鹫f，“但上個月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來�！�

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